What it feels like to feel nothing?

Nothing. It feels like nothing. Your heart does not race, your steps dont bounce, your smile loses its shine, your voice its vivacity and your brain its vitality. Feelings are important. To not feel is to go through this life numb. Because everyone has to go through it and everyone will go through it. It is just how you do it which matters. Even the ones who are realized are not without feeling. They feel peaceful and they have joy. It is important to feel. Not feeling is like receding in the shadows where its always cold. One should always make an effort to step into the sunshine and feel.


Here’s to 2014..

Some years are landmark years of life. You look back on them and think “Wow!! That was some year.” 

2013 has been such a year for me. I found love for the first time. I found out the part of my soul which can connect to a person on a romantic plane. I found some friendships. I mellowed down quite a bit – in my opinions, in my judgements, in my responses. I struggled to lose weight throughout the year and also managed to lose some. I took professional risk and quit my hassle-free but unrewarding and dissatisfying job without a backup. I also got married which marked the end of this very happening year in my life with a bang!

In some sense, I finally grew up in the year 2013 in many respects. Turned from a young adult to an adult. I can sense that change within me. I am now able to understand the deeper meaning of the things. More importantly, I can see the reality behind the fairy tale and it does not scare me. It does not make me a skeptic. I have become more of a realist. Is that a good thing or bad? Time will tell.

The biggest upside has been a real connection to people on mental, emotional and psychological planes. The biggest downside to this has been a dip in enthusiasm which often comes out of naivete or ignorance. Although I hope to recover from it soon but I can sense the shift in me.

Overall, 2013 has been a great year! I will always fondly remember it. Pretty much like 2003. 10 years after I entered college. 

2014 marks the beginning of a new era and I hope this one will be very fine and fancy ! 

Here’s to 2014. You are welcome! 


New Year in Nottingham!

Jan 5th. 

9:00 AM on a Sunday in Nottingham. Plans to see the sung eucharist on hold as sleep is dearer to the husband.

Oh yes.

I now have a husband and I am a married woman. Hahaha. Just writing that causes me to laugh so hard. It’s a weird feeling – the good weird. Nottingham is a sleepy old town. Slow, kind of okay. I am sure there must be the usual elements of fun which there are in every city but its not a metropolis and that is very very evident.

This new year is a beginning of a new era. A big thing in my life has changed and I would also change along with it. 

I have always made new year resolutions despite failing to accomplish them. There is a big boost in thinking about starting something fresh every year. So, I am going to do it again this year but with a difference. Instead of being more abstract, my resolutions are now going to be more measurable and doable. Hope to live it out this year and for all the years to come.

Writing does give me peace. It’s my salvation.! 🙂