Despite being well meaning and caring to a fault, I somehow, god knows how, seem to convey the opposite. Clearly, I am extremely poor in handling people and these are the loved ones, the ones closest to me, the ones I would even die for. I don’t know what gets into me that I shout at them, get irritated at the drop of a hat and just generally come off as a super pain in the ass. Later, I cry and weep and behind their backs, fight people off who would even think a slightly bad thought about them.
This contradiction is highly painful for everyone. I don’t know how to solve it.