Looking Back

It is that time of the year. And I have the time and the composure to look back and front both at the same time while living in this exact moment of the present. December is the month for reminiscing all that happened in the past and for making plans about what is to come.

For me, this was a year of great tribulations and some huge lessons. In the least, it has been jarring on the mind. Mentally, a very engaging year. 2008, as it has been, will be one of the most important years of my life. I have learned, I have experienced, I have felt and I have made peace with what I so dreaded: the consequences of my actions. I have grown much more than I grew in the 4 years before that. I became what I am absolutely not: dark, brooding, sullen, distanced and aloof. I discovered a thing called routine. Some ambition came back too. I made my heart vulnerable and cried with my feelings sometimes. I allowed myself to get weak. I insulated for protection and then took the full punch and I tried to bear it. It has been extremely tough and terrible at times. But, on the whole, I think positivity overshadowed the whole and now I have myself on the track. I am certain about things. I am thinking clearly. I am working clearly.

This is sort of analogous to rehabilitation. In fact, that is what it is. I am rehabilitating, in my very own way. I have discovered some positive things about me. Off course the negatives too but being the too critical self that I am, I knew the negatives since long. I now know, that I am very strong. I can face anything. I can feel the pain but I can survive. I am ambitious. No doubts about that. I am positive and optimistic on the whole. And I am courageous. I also renewed my faith in the goodness of people in general. I also learned the value of a healthy friendship and the curses of a rotten one.

The point is that after all that has happened this year, I can certainly say that I have come out as a changed person and as far as I think, for the better.

The best thing that happened was that I bonded amazingly with my family. They are my rock. They are super supportive and the best people one can ask for. Irritating sometimes but who is not. My family is a blessing to me. Other than that, a few close friends, whose silent support, understanding and tolerance has made me garteful for their presence in my life. I have learnt who are the ones to keep and cherish and who are the seasonal ones. Once again I was very unexpectedly surprised to find that there is more goodwill in the world than we believe to be.

That I can tolerate and live with myself has been established.I can survive in isolation but not for long. It is good for a sabbatical but for a life long planning, no. I need people too. I am coming back.

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